If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
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