Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
Randomize
