I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Randomize
