He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
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