A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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