I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
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