I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
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