And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Randomize
