Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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