Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Randomize
