doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
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