2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
i would one night stand the shit outta him
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
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