You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize
