you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
Randomize
