my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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