I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
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