Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
