The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
Is this like a preordered booty call?
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
Randomize
