I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
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