i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
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