Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
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