he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
