in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
Randomize
