i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize
