FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
Randomize
