The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
Quick, to the slutcave!
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Randomize
