Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Shame - the story of my life.
Randomize
