My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
Randomize
