to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
Randomize
