she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
Randomize
