I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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