She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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