I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
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