i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
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