I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
Randomize
