you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Randomize
