Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Randomize
