What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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