How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize
