Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
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