Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
