It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
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