i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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