When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
Randomize
