I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
