You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
