If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Randomize
