he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
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