meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
Randomize
