dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
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