My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
Randomize
