so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
